Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Crap Diet and why it will work for you (average American consumer)!

I've found the next big thing. I know how I'm finally going to lose the spare tire and get thin. After reading this article about Professor Mark Haub of Kansas State University, who dropped 27 pounds in two months, I'm sold on the Twinkie Diet. Haub's point is, that by simply lowering calorie intake one can lose weight. It sounds boring and tedious, but just bear with me.

This is perfect for me, because whenever I eat delicious foods like whole grains, eggs, steak or salads I lose track of the number of calories in the foods because I buy them fresh. I never know when I'm full and I just keep eating and eating! I much prefer to read the labels on packaged foods so I know how many calories are in them.

Professor Haub's rational approach to dieting truly has shown me the light. In the same way that McDonald's knows how to deal with all of its business so it can be the face of the American dream, I now know that if I simply stick to junk foods but eat a bunch less than normal, I can lose weight. Haub decreased his calorie intake by almost 31%. Piece of cake! Once I'm done writing this, I'm heading straight to Costco so I can buy a big case of Twinkies and Zebra Cakes.

The Twinkie Diet also gives a shining beam of hope to those poor souls who live in food deserts. Professor Haub mentions how there are people who live in these deserts and the only sustenance they can afford is junk food. Now, by switching to the Twinkie Diet, they can lose weight and have a better life by simply eating less. Also, they will do their civic duty to our struggling economy by buying all of their informative and packaged food from a big name store, instead of from a farm or other local source. The farmer down the road is grouchy and kills the cows he turns into steak. I'd rather give my money to Ronald McDonald, he's always smiling!

Now, Professor Haub says he's confused about whether or not this diet is actually healthy, but I think he's wasting his brain juices thinking about all that. After all, his cholesterol went down and he lost almost 30 pounds. The numbers alone sell it for me!


  1. This is hysterical!
    And disturbing.
    What a great example of rationalization (and its irrational consequences).

  2. This is a brialliant idea, especially for me as a college student living in a fraternity house! All I have to do is read the labels and eat the rice crispies treats an bagel bites.